Azu's Akatsuki Tale, Chapter 09: Itachi's Command
by KorinaK
Summary: Sorry about this chapter, because nothing EXTREMELY important happens. I do think it's pretty funny though, so I'd appreciate if you would read! For any newtime readers, see my other chapters... enjoy! Until next time...


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters…. etc, etc. If I did, then the Akatsuki would be more of a big player in the story!

Well, that last chapter was sort of weird. But the thing is, now what will she do? Oh, a warning, not much happens in this chapter, though it is one of my funnier ones (I think).

Azu's Akatsuki Tale, Chapter 09: Itachi's Command

My head was pounding like crazy when I came to. Strangely enough, the floor was completely white.

Oh, shit.

Not that I wanted to look up, but I had to. Yup. Red sky, pitch-dark moon. And guess who the wonderful person who was standing there staring at me was?

"Itachi-san," I whispered. Inside, I said (not so quietly): WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE HIM???

He gave me a very neutral glance. "Leader-sama is displeased. He wishes to ask you how you, a 'little girl', managed to get Tobi, Kisame, Deidara, and Hidan all drunk to the point where they were knocked out."

"I'm sorry," I rasped, my voice getting sore from just breathing. "I… they told me to meet them there and I, uh, they didn't come, so I didn't…" I cursed myself. Why, _why_, did Itachi always make me so nervous? At least I could face his freaky Mangekyou thingy without throwing up now, after several years of training for who-knows-why motives.

Clearing my throat, I glanced up at him. "Sorry, but do you have any w-?" My voice gave out on the last word.

Thankfully, he got my meaning. The small flask of water he gave me looked all red-and-black swirl-patterned when I saw it, and normally would have been under suspicion of being very obviously poisoned, but hey: It was Mangekyou world.

I took a sip. I think it was water… I hope. "Thank you. They told me to meet them at ten-thiry, but I didn't find them. Well, I did, actually, in the bar… and I couldn't stop Hidan-san or Deidara-san, and Tobi-san and Kisame-san were knocked out, so…"

"Does that explain how you got knocked out?"

I thought about it for a second. "I think there was something in the water I drank…"

"There was." A pause. "First of all, some very potent alcohol. Secondly, a date-rape drug that some young male was obviously planning on using to its full extent."

How, damn it, could he speak about that without blushing? No matter, I was blushing twice as hard, so it could make up for him. With blush to spare, any ladies that are interested….

Sorry. Anyways.

"My Mangekyou awoke you before he could do anything." Before I could say anything, he continued, "And Leader-sama says that since you were the one who caused this, you fix it."

"You want me to get them home…?" I asked.

In a split second, I was back in the "normal" world. (Quote quote.) My mouth had a nasty bitter taste in it that the water hadn't helped at all.

I heard Itachi's voice in my head, "Take the two injections in your pocket."

Amazingly, there were two small metal pump-needles in my pocket. Itachi must have slipped me those while I was in the Mangekyou's world. "Yes?" I prompted.

"You inject the medicine around Hidan and Deidara's hearts. Aim well, and make sure to get all the medicine in. It will help the alcohol poisoning."

Yeah, I could sure aim well, considering that my head was pounding like a Dance Dance Revolution song and I was about as steady on my feet as an ostrich was on its head.

Wait, alcohol poisoning?

Painfully aware that Itachi was watching me, I crawled over to Hidan (inconveniently distant from Deidara) first, feeling like I was going to hurl really badly. I vowed several times never to drink again. The floor kept tilting, and I had a brilliant idea: Could I snitch some for myself?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

My over-imaginative brain kept giving me slightly embarrassed feeling as I felt around inside Hidan's cloak, trying to find his heart. His slight pulse didn't help, and his skin was entirely too- was it blue? - And cold to be healthy.

After some time, Itachi noted, "You can unzip his cloak." And then, very unhelpfully, he said, "It won't make you a pedophile, you know."

Geez and thanks a lot, instant-mind-reading master. And what was with him? He was talking a lot today. Very helpful, I'm sure.

I unzipped his cloak and was able to continue with a bit more dignity. However, if I wasn't entirely sure that Itachi was straight…

I was, trust me. Seriously. Well, I wouldn't know. Was he? I think… I hope…??? Yeah, I'm pretty sure he was straight. Maybe.

Considering Hidan apparently wore his chest bare underneath the cloak all the time… and he wasn't exactly flabby, well…

ARGH.

Did I mention my worst enemy is usually in my conveniently timed flashes of imagination and creative insight? And hey, guess what: I had them even when I wasn't drugged!

I hurried on so as not to appear to Itachi as a young, fifteen-year old adolescent girl resting her arms on her knocked-out teammate's chest for over a minute. After a few pumps of the medicine, I left him there and moved painfully towards Deidara.

A trickier case, since Deidara was also apparently wearing something close to three layers of clothing underneath his clothes.

Itachi observed after a quiet minute, "It was a cold night."

AGH! I screamed in my head. Every time he spoke in my head, my headache got worse by a power of about three. Outwardly I must have merely twitched. I asked, "There's no way you can help me…?"

He remained helpfully silent. Wow, I didn't see that coming. I growled loudly.

After struggling with a jacket, thick long-sleeve shirt, and a tight undershirt, I finally got to his chest. I couldn't help it, but I was appearing as a young, fifteen-year old adolescent girl resting her arms on her knocked-out teammate's chest for over a minute. Again. But seriously, I was tired and dizzy and not entirely sure my intestines were sorted out in the right order. Was it two, or three?

I wasn't entirely sure that I got the heart, but since Itachi didn't critize, I sufficed with sending a prayer to God to protect all blondes that night. Then I sent another wish up praying that He (or was it a She?) protect everybody with hair-dye on.

Don't give me a weird look: You never know. Maybe he had colored contacts too.

Suddenly, Itachi said, "You are responsible for getting them back. Three in the morning latest, preferably. Watch yourself and the weather." Then he vanished.

WAIT! I shrieked at him in my head. He didn't return. Stupid measly-weasely. If only I had the courage to call him that to his face.

Then I had a real good insight: Now what?


End file.
